Sunday, September 04, 2005

Agent Munawar

Yesterday we had a family get together (G.T.?) at my house. All the old aunties and uncles came out for it, dressed in the their Sunday Best. It wasn't long before everyone had organized themselves into the self-segregated groups. Women one side, men on the other. Each group reaffirming conversational stereotypes. Women gossiping and men about politics. No self-awareness whatsoever. I was, ofcourse, sitting with the uncles and thoroughly enjoyed the political commentary. Old uncles, really old ones, always reveal themselves to be these frightening extremist fundamentalists in these settings. Everything bad that happens to the West is "Allah's Judgement" and they are almost gleeful about any high body counts in a disaster. But the most disturbing are the conspiracy theories. Just all kinds of bizarre stuff.

"The C.I.A. had made a projected World map for the year 2010. Pakistan isn't on it."
"America is already in the second phase of its plan to launch an all out attack on Iran. Then we are next."
"The Jews are planning on bombing Mecca and America is helping them with all kinds of ground-attack plans."
And so on...

The thing I started wondering is where are they getting this information from. If any of it is true then the C.I.A. really needs to work on its secrecy. If my Uncle Munawar* is getting top secret info from his daily diet of Nawa-E-Waqt and Geo News then they really must re-think there policies. Are there meetings in the basement of the White House, with the President of America and his Joint Chiefs of Staff, all strategising:
Condoleeza Rice is there, turning to President Bush and saying, "That is our attack plan Sir, if this goes through the Islamic world can be wiped out by dawn."
Bush mulls over the detailed world map lying on the table in front of him. All kinds of attack strategies highlighted and drawn out for him.
"Sir...what do you think? Should we begin?"
"Just a moment, I need to be sure," says Bush turning to his left and looking at his most trusted advisor, "Uncle Munawar, what do you think?"


Okay so that one might be funnier in my head.

*Name has been changed for sake of privacy and in case any of my cousins discover this blog.


Blogger atrophying said...

haha, that one was funny in my head too, so dont despair.

also - The C.I.A. had made a projected World map for the year 2010. Pakistan isn't on it. - dear god, ive heard this one at a family dinner too! do all uncles talk the same way?

1:19 AM  

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