Wednesday, February 15, 2006

RIOTING ALL THE RAGE IN PAKISTAN...

Pakistan has never been too far behind in terms of fashion trends. Most of our fashionistas can be seen sauntering dunkenly from party to party in the latest in 80's fashion. We hope to enter the new millemium sometime around 2036.

In keeping with our approach to stylistic trends, we have decided to take part in the new anti-cartoon rioting that is all the rage in the world right now.

Never mind that the cartoons were published over two weeks ago.
Never mind that most of the Muslim world has gotten its Riot on well before now and already started moving on to more cutting edge topics like Abu Ghuraib abuses.

In an attempt at making up for lost time, Pakistani's passionately took to the streets, looting and rioting in a manner that is guaranteed to discredit any attempts at rational dialogue. Because dammit, that's what the cool kids are doing now.

KFC employees across Pakistan have promptly committed mass suicide in an attempt to preempt the swath of destruction headed their way.

Lahore rioters took to the streets yesterday, dressed in their fashionable best. They wowed audiences with their scraggly beards and oh-so-2nd Century approach to dialogue.

"We are sorry for the delayed response," said one rioter, "our internet connections are slow in Lahore and we just got around to seeing what all the fuss was about." The press release from the rioters, scrawled in feces across the walls of a Citibank, apologised for the lag time and promised to make up demand for rioting by finally getting to the Salman Rushdie issue at the start of next week and hoping to maintain a regular weekly schedule on riots for the first quarter of 2006.
"We have been waiting for the only person in Lahore who could understand and process metaphors to complete 'Satanic Verses' and he has just yesterday submitted his report on the topic. We know its a little late, but really, who cares as long as shit gets burnt."

The effigy burning was particularly impressive this year. The new line of effigy's launched earlier this year by Effigy Suppliers, or ES as it's is called by frequent shoppers, were noted for their combustability. Purchasers in a hurry can now buy effigy's on-line at their website, burnwesternbastardburn.com and pay in goats and cows, depending on the Punjabi village they hail from. It should be noted that competition between effigy suppliers is growing this year and the average consumer has a for better selection to choose from than in previous years. New companies McEffigy and Effigy Hut have captured the hearts minds and lighters of the more affluent rioter. A radio advertising campaign has helped discriminating rioters make their decision:

---------------------------------------

V/O (FEMALE): Does the fire inside you burn?

SFX: Match being struck.

V/O (FEMALE): Do you want to express yourself in flame?

SFX: A fire crackling.

V/O (MALE): It's time to burn things down! Now you can buy two effigy's for the price of one at Effigy Hut! That's right two for the price of one! Double the combustible maza! Or avail our special group-discount and buy enough effigy's to let your hatred of Western nations be seen from space!

SFX: Crowds roaring in anger.

V/O (FEMALE): Burn things outside they way you burn on the inside. Effigy Hut.

---------------------------------------

1 Comments:

Blogger The Dave said...

Dude, those cartoons were first published in September.

12:20 AM  

Post a Comment

<< Home