Thursday, April 27, 2006

GENOCIDE AND AN APPLE...

I know there has been a distinct lack of funny here past few days. Beend drawing alot more recently, and had a few articles to write so kinda exhausted.

No definite word on the Lahore show yet, but I am performing at the Open-Mic Night. All new, fresh and minty material.

In the meantime, I have discovered what is needed to fulfill my plans of World Domination. The 17" MacBook Pro. It is absolutely essential to my becoming a succesful mass-murdered/dictator. Really. I don't know how Pol Pot and Miloscevic did things without one. I know Potty (that's what we used to call Pol Pot back in Dictator High School) used to futz around with an old Commodore 64. The adapter would heat up ever half hour and the games came on tapes. So you can imagine how pissed off he'd be at the end of the day. "Potty," I'd say, "you gotta get on the Apple scene man. How ya gonna keep things organized if you can't even work a disk drive!". He would argue and argue, little skinny man with big specs, going blue in the face. We are too dependant on tech, he would say. So I gave him a wedgie.

He died alone under house arrest. Probably of boredom the dumb shit.

Slobby was better at least. Not a Mac user, more into PC's he. At least better organized than Potty. But the damned Windows was Service Pack 1 and so it kept crashing and he kept forgetting where he put a mass grave because the notepad file with the list of addresses would get deleted each time. So many mass graves, all because he never installed Norton.

Now me, with my shiny silver 17" MacBook Pro. Intel inside. Mac on the outside. iSight camera built in. I can rule the world with an iron fist, look good while doing it and even video-conference with my minions and rank and file. All from the comfort of my own room. And at night the keyboard lights up so now I can even organize genocide at night from the comfort of my bed, without needed to keep the lights on and waking the wife.

Aah. Thank you Steve Jobs. You have made this would-be dictator happy. And to think my German teachers said I wouldn't amount to anything. "Talks to much," they would say. "Ve haff ways of makink you talk!" I quipped back.

So they beat me.

Bastards.

I'll show them. I'll show them all.

1 Comments:

Blogger Khizzy said...

lol...ur crazy sami!

and might i suggest injecting them German teachers with the flu shots u're so familiar with.

11:30 PM  

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