Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Chivalry of the crotch...

At work right now, trying to figure out how to make a can of Rafhan Corn Oil look pretty and thankfully my mind wonders towards new Stand-up material. This is raw as can be, no editing, just noting this stuff down as it comes to me, so it might not actually be funny:


Chivalry is dead. I don't know how Pakistani women put up with the men, we have no sense of chivalry. No more opening doors and holding your chair and all that. The closest a Pakistani man comes to chivalry these days is not adjusting himself when a woman is present. That is it. You might be right at it, hand buried deep in your pocket, trying to get the angle just so...a woman passes by and you stop. try to pull it like you always stand like that, one hand buried elbow deep in your pockets. That is the extent of chivalry. And if you are wearing a Shalwaar Kameez then you don't even bother with that. Shalwaar Kameez makes the whole discretion-while-adjusting thing too damned difficult. It just isn't a user friendly article of clothing. The pocket is way up on one side. Your hand stops at the hip. Trying desperately to make an adjustment, and the only way of doing it is the long way around. Your underwear is pinching and all of a sudden you look like the sabzi-wala taking out his wallet. They hide their money all the way down there, nestled between the rainbow-coloured naara and their nether regions. It's a great way of making extra money. Hand him a 500 buck note and all of a sudden he is producing change from his crotch like some perverts David Blaine.
*back away quickly* "Keep the change, keep the change!"
Your bill had only come to Rs. 23.

That's the problem with our culture. So much damned hypocrisy. We get angry if a women shows her arms and yet the male Shalwaar kameez is a revealing piece of clothing. Sure it covers you from neck to ankle. But when the wind blows against you, all of a sudden the whole world can see the craftsmanship on your circumsition (sp?). It goes from national-dress to a kinky piece of male lingerie. Waqar's Secret...for the sexy fundamentalist.


*Phew* That's actually not bad. I had just thought of the chivalry gag when I started writing this and it's turned out a lot meatier than I had realized. And I worked in a but about the Shalwaar kameez that I've been trying to find a place for.

Now to edit it for tempo and timing and such.

Now back to the Corn Oil....


Blogger saba said...

hahahah! Chivalry is truly dead. as a feminist, I should be glad - but I somehow missed it on a recent vacation with friends where I lugged around my extremely heavy suitcase through two countries (not really, but you get the point)

1:19 PM  
Blogger atrophying said...

bahahah. that was funny, 'your change had only come to Rs. 23'! and which breed of men actually stop adjusting themselves when a female is around? none of the men at my workplace seem to care.

but jo bhi. make rafhan look sexy by showing the oil's various uses, like it can be used for a massage. your billboard might get burned down then, but thats not always a bad thing, because a: look at all the extra publicity jazz got when the mullahs decided zara sheikh made them fumble their speeches, and b: less billboards! less billboards! its a win win situation all the way.

of course, your client might fire you.

11:20 PM  

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