Thursday, December 15, 2005

HERALD(ed)

So the local english news-magazine, THE HERALD, just published its December issue. Contained within, near the back, is a two-page article titled "THE KINGS OF COMEDY."

It's basically a review of my solo show and Saad and Davids COMEDIANS ROCK show.

It is the single most Jekyll/Hyde review I have ever read.

Starts off nice enough. Details the growth of Stand-up in Karachi. Then it goes on to review my show for a bit. After that it revews Saad & David. It says some nice things. Some kind things.

And then it smashes us to pieces.

Odd criticisms like me "dumbing down" my humour, being "incoherent" and "rushing one-liners". Saad and David don't get away either. The reviewer quotes a punchline to one of Saads longer bits, thus ruining his chances of ever using that joke again.

Worst of all, it carries the most painful theme of "good for Pakistan" which we so desperately wanted to avoid. I finally did something on a level that I feel could be called professional/international in terms of quality. And no props given.

*sigh* What more do I have to do?

Anyway. Between being called "Blasphemous" by crack-addicted Faizan and "incoherent" by HERALD, my ego is severely bruised. Thank God for delusions of grandeur.

Performed at the latest Open-Mic yesterday. Everyone turned in a solid performance as usual. Saad did some freaking brillint cutting-edge-of-comedy stuff, blending music and one-liners to fantastic effect. Even his songs have gotten better. Not quite sure how he does it.

I tried my hand at a comedy song the other day. No clue how to start, even. Does the song-choice come first? The topic? AAAGH!

Anyway, did some stuff I jotted down the night before and during lunch at work. It's alot mroe adult than my usual material. Just trying out something new. You might not be able to tell but it also has a different tempo and structure to my usual jokes. Experimentation is fun.

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Men & Porn

Why do men collect porn?

What is this hunter-gatherer ethic when it comes to pornography?

Every man does it. It's usually hidden somewhere in the bowels of his hard disk. Given some innocuous name, like System-Temp-Config-Root. This is the modern-day hi-tech equivalent of the space under your mattress. Then it made sense to store porn though. When I was 14 it was hard to find porn. Usually whatever your friends handed gave you or what you managed to steal from the local video shop. Watching the same movie for months on end. By the end of the year you know every grunt and squeal by heart.

But in this day and age, with the internet being the informational wonder that it is, why are we still storing porn? It’s not like it will run out. What is the reasoning for this? I know guys who have gigabytes of porn. Just storing it up. Maybe in case the worlds entire porn collection gets wiped out, everything deleted. Governments on the verge of chaos, countries tipping over the brink of disaster. Teenage boys just losing their minds. And then the mist clears and a single figure steps onto a rooftop. Silhouetted against the night sky. Lightening streaks by. He is a source of calm in the center of chaos. Raises his hands, a laptop glowing in his grip. And in the center of the screen, for all to see and cry in relief over, it says System-Temp-Config-Root.

Just saving up their porn. All the time. Maybe they are preparing for that day in the future when porn will be the new currency. All money has lost its value and everything is bought and sold by porn. Finally I can become a millionaire. Go to buy a car, “That’ll be two Bang Bus’, a Captain Stabbin’ and 15 seconds of Paris Hilton.” I pay him, and he hands me back some loose change, “Here’s your Pashto films.” And because I’m generous I don’t pocket them. Instead I put them into the small Citizens Foundation donation box on the counter. Just the kind of guy I am.


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4 Comments:

Blogger atrophying said...

if its any consolation, you were on cnbc a few days ago.

9:35 PM  
Blogger sara said...

i wouldn't sweat it about the review...it seems like you already know that though! :) Great joke...make sure to blog about how it runs with the audience...i found it hilarious! :)

6:15 PM  
Blogger cheries said...

we still talk about your show!
a great night out for the entertainment-starved karachit-ites we are!
i know its somewhat late but i figured appreciation is welcome...no matter how late in the day (or year) it is...
very surprised to learn the "rear-ended" portion of the show was a surprise to you too.
we were all sure it was part of the performance.
you are very funny.
hope to see more soon!
the very best of luck.
oh and the likes of faizan... not worth a response. :)

2:17 AM  
Blogger atrophying said...

blog sami blog!!

12:16 AM  

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