Monday, October 09, 2006


Action = Eating mass amounts of crabs yesterday evening.

Reaction = Spending the night on the pot, straining and whimpering.

Been getting alot of feedback from LUMS students about the show who have, I assume, googled me and found the blog. Mailbox full of praise, although oddly some people were offended by the material on Pornography. Oh well.

Before the show started, when I was standing outside the auditorium waiting to be called in, a woman stormed past me yelling at her friend, "If this shit isn't funny I'm leaving in ten minutes."

When the show ended I looked around the auditorium and found her near the stage, sitting with her friends and clapping.

That was my greatest personal victory of the night.

Saturday, October 07, 2006


God what a great audience. What a great goddam show.

Got to LUMS straight from the airport. Was already kinda burnt out because of not getting much sleep over the past week or so. I meet the people who are hosting the whole show, members of the LUMS dramatics group, "Dramaline."

I check the auditorium space, marvel at the huge poster for my show with "SOLD OUT" written across the top and then go sit in an empty class room for 3 hours with 2 cans of red bull and stack of cigarettes and start structuring my material.

Basically I have all my stuff written down on individual pages, organized by topic and I lay them all down around me and then start shuffling them till I get an order I like. Ended up deciding to risk it by doing a bunch of new stuff as well. By the time that was done still had 45 minutes to go before the show started and so just sat in a corner and fought back panic-attacks.

The MC called me up at 10:15 on the dot, infront of an auditorium packed with close to 300 people jammed right up against the stage and I just launched into it. Did an hour of the best set I have ever had. They got every bit, they laughed at the right times, their reactions helped me pace myself and they weren't even thrown when near the end I had a two second brain fart and had to riff for a but before I got back on track.

Just a solid one-nighter. The best kind I could have hoped for.

Thank you LUMS. Now if you'll excuse me I need to pass out. Apparently they recorded audio as well as video of the show so will be posting that at as soon as they send it across.

Thursday, October 05, 2006


Just got off the phone with the guys at LUMS who are organizing the show. Apparently 250 tickets were sold in two hours.

250. Two hours. Wow.

I touch down in Lahore at 5:30 Friday evening. Go meet my grandparents and then head over to LUMS by the 7. Show starts at 10:00 so that's ample time to check last minute stuff. Y'know, stuff like what the hell I'm going to be saying up there!

I have all my material printed out and ready. I just haven't memorized chunks of it well enough yet and still have to decide what order it all goes in. Kinda hoping my brain will suddenly become super-powered on the flight to Lahore and it will all be done in the hour and a half long flight.

God, if this goes badly I'll look like an idiot.

Do any other performers of any kind (music, theater, comedy...anything!) visit this blog? How do you relax prior to a show? My technique currently is vomiting violently in a corner for 3 minutes and then weeping manfully into my notes until they call me on stage.

I need something better.

Tuesday, October 03, 2006


Finally some Stand-up!

This Friday, October 6th, I'm performing at LUMS. Solo show. One hour of me standing up and doing comedy.

I've been having nightmares again.

Been wanting to perform at LUMS ever since Black Fish did a show there for 1000 people (which I am positive is some kind of Improv comedy record). The show was one of the best we ever did, and that's entirely because the energy the audience brought and the level of intellelle...intelee...entilligance (sp?) at LUMS is exactly what we have been yearning for.

I want to make smart people laugh. My friends mostly do it because they are high at the time.

So this Friday, if you're in Lahore and have a friend at LUMS, spring for the Rs. 50 ticket and help me try too...dum dum dunh!...BRING THE FUNNY!

God I puked in my mouth that time.

Sunday, October 01, 2006


I put an ad in the newspaper for my car today.

Correction: I gave the text to a friend who works at the newspaper to put the ad in. The text I gave read, "For Sale - Olive green Cuore. 2003 model. CNG fitted. Call *** *** ****" (like I'm gonna put my phone number on the internet!).

The text my friend submitted read, simply, "Cuore for sale. Call Sami at..."

I got woken up at 9:00 in the morning by an irate caller whose opening sentence was "Why didn't you give details about the car!?"

Yes that is an exclamation mark and then a question mark. That's how irate he was.

From that point on, some 150 people called me today. All with the same complaint. I cannot understand the psychology of these people. Maybe Karachi has exhausted them to the level that they feel the need to voice their frustration to every problem they have.

I gt lucky though, and sold the car at the asking price. Time to get those bastards at Standard Chartered to lease me a new car. That should be a simple process of making a downpayment, signing over the rights to my first-born and sacrificing a goat while standing in the centre of a pentagram made from menstrual blood. While naked.