Monday, July 31, 2006


Proof that I don't just draw naked women all the time. Sometimes I draw half-naked decripit old men.

Did this while watching clouds recycle water molecules onto the street. Drops caught in the wire-mesh stretched across my window forming tiny transparent pixels against the fractal pattern of the sky behind them.

And just so you don't start thinking I've given up the comedy thing altogether, here's a new bit written yesterday. Less funny, more angry. Based on a chance meeting with someone who got away with killing someone while driving drunk and how said person is accepted back into polite society with nary a upraised eyebrow. Thus the venom.


You just drove your car through a van full of disabled children? And you got off scott-free because your dad encourages his employees to swallow condoms full of cocaine while taking long-distance flights to help finance his industrial empire and your mom is the designated jizz jar for half the political elite in the country? Come on over! It’s a theme night!


Sunday, July 30, 2006


After grey skies flirting with us and pissant drizzle teasing us for a week, it finally rained in Karachi. Everyone ran outside to celebrate and dance under the torrential downpour, only to flee inside moments later when the gutters ran over and turned the roads black with ancient fecal matter.

Once the rain let up, a friend and I went out for sandwhiches, ploughing our way through submerged roads. We get to the closest McDonalds (I likes me quarter pounders..."Supersize Me" indeed) and find our way barred by a wall of a wall of thick back insects with wings. They crunched like glass underfoot and I wasn't feeling brave enough to find them in my burger so we left (that's also the same moment when I realized I'd never last on FEAR FACTOR).

So lets see, in the last week we've seen War in the Middle East, Flooding (those upchucking gutters can can really cause some damage and a plague of insects. I feel a Judgement Day coming on! When are the zombies supposed to rise up? Was that before or after the hail of frogs. I think it coincided with the one-eyed giant astride a donkey that rides out of Jeruselam and the army of super-powered midgets that couldn't figure out how to defeat a wall for a millenia but will now take over the world.

(If you don't believe me just look it up. I speak the truth!)

In the meantime, while I wait for the mountains to be torn asunder and the sky to rain blood, I have decided to order some snazzy new stuff from Iron-on Resistance. I'll be the best dressed man in line for God's Judgement.

Bring on the End of the World.

Monday, July 24, 2006


Shakira's hips truly do not lie. They are the most honest hips on the planet. Abraham Lincoln wishes he had hips this honest. I would vote for them to become President, so much faith do I have in them.

Truly they are the hips of truthiness.

Friday, July 21, 2006



And I'm back.

The last three weeks were spent in Australia, watching water spiral counter-clockwise down the drain, roaming the wintery (in July it should be noted) streets of Melbourne wrapped in layers of black clothing, eating excessive amounts of sushi, savoring the best damned steak I will ever eat in this lifetime and spending every moment I could manage holding my wife close to me.

I returned last night to find that in the last twenty days the street outside my house looks remarkably like the lunar surface (which casts my unfortunate tiny Cuore in the role of a Lunar Buggy), my blog has been hijacked by a co-worker (whose "LOL" exclamations are like graffiti on the pristine surface of my erudite and articulate prose) and an infestation of bugs has attempted to take up residence inside my air conditioner.

That last part I discovered this morning by the way, because when I got home there was no electricity. Open mouth. Insert gun.

A couple of quick observations before I spent the next hour screaming into a pillow:

- Karachi from above looks remarkably like Basra (or these days parts of Beirut) must. Honestly. After the aesthetic symmetry of the Melbourne and Kuala Lumpur skylines, I cringed at the ramshackle, dystopian, grime and dust smeared city that we titled "The City of Lights" with absolutely no sense of irony.

- It is so fucking hot. So so fucking hot.

- I look great in my new red Converse sneakers. Oh and I now own a pink/salmon shirt.

- I miss my wife already. Which means I will be grumpier and snarkier than ever before for the next few weeks. Expect much Collateral Damage when my rage is unleashed on the slightest of perceived slights.

Now I am being summoned to a shitty meeting with a shitty client in a shitty conference room.

I shit on "welcome home" signs.

dear sami, 
yes ive highjacked your blog, but you were sort of expecting this at some point so its all good.
khair...ur finally back!
and its great!!!
seriously, we'd all missed you, but...

id like you to go back now.i know it'll make both you and me'll be with ishma again, and ill have MY cubicle back!
i mean, hello, ive gotten used to ur nice 'system' and all!i cant go back to plain old obsolete macs now.
and i have no place to secretly blog anymore!
so lets make both of us happy!
go back!
im happy that ur back!but having the cubicle to myself was NICE!!!

ur favorite co-worker,